random observations

People who don't know the story yet come up to me at work and comment on my very short hair cut. Sometimes they compliment or sometimes they joke about how extreme it is etc. At this moment I have to decide: do I chuckle and make some comment about getting a summertime doo or joke that this is my economical six month hair cut. Or do I lay the bomb on them, suck the air out of the room, and tell them that I got this cut in 'solidarity' with my son whose been in treatment for chemo and has lost his hair because he has been diagnosed with cancer. On the one hand, I am not interested in making folks feel uncomfortable, on the other, some of these people know me and would feel shorted some how if I wasn't willing to share this information. I don't know. Yesterday it happened several times. And each time I had to make a decision. Looking back I worry that I may be making a judgement about the person asking. Are they 'cancer news' worthy or not? (apologies to seinfeld).

This happened to Adam and Martha yesterday: They were going to the 'Donut Den' in Greenhills. Martha said that as they were pulling up she noticed a bunch of teenagers hanging out front. She thought, "Is this the moment when Adam will get harassed about his bald head?" She didn't tell me this but I also think she probably thought she was being a little paranoid. Who would say anything about a kid who is obviously getting chemo?
As Adam and Martha passed by the teens one of them said "Look at the bald kid." Or something to that effect. Well there it was. They both entered the donut shop. Adam muttered "stupid kid" but otherwise seemed nonplussed. Martha didn't handle it the same way. She went back out and stared the kid down; trying not to go 'medieval' on his ass. Martha wasn't sure exactly which kid had let loose with the idiot comment so she contained herself. Whoever that kid is he should consider himself lucky. Martha would have, could have, carved him up pretty good. She told me later, "I would have scratched his eyes out. I would have been arrested for assault." What cop would arrest the mother of a cancer patient for defending the honor of her kid. Who knows? The kid was lucky. Martha and I talked about it later and optimistically hoped that some other kid in the group got onto the idiot. Teens are teens, that's what I tell myself but in the same situation, if I had known who, I may have let all the sublimated feelings toward every idiot teen I have dealt with, and I have dealt with a few, come to the surface. And it could have been pretty ugly. When it comes to our kids I think we are all cave men, primal, like a bear and her cub, don't f%#k with the cub!

My good friend Kenny, not known for his soft cuddly side, left a voice mail on my cell. We had lunch together earlier yesterday but I guess he wanted to emphasize his concern. Kenny has his own well earned issues with religion and spirituality so when he left a message that he and his wife Andrea are thinking about Adam and us a lot and to the extent that he prays he will pray for Adam I knew Kenny was leaving a gift. Thanks Kenny (who by the way is balder than Adam).

Adam and I are at this very moment at Vandy Childrens. He is getting fluids in preparation for the chemo triple play later. This is the bad one, the chemo that makes Adam vomit. He is taking it as it comes. I noticed today that Adam is cooperative, but also a little passive resistant. Not in a 'difficult patient' sort of way but in his refusal to go along with pretending to have a good time during chemo he, in his own way, is giving the finger to cancer. Martha has made the point that even though Vandy Childrens wants you to think you are at Disney, this is still a hospital, this is still a cancer clinic, and it aint no fun.

To end today, a special 'shout out' to my sister in law in law Jeannette. Jeannette has been sending us frequent emails of support and has been trading comments with me about all this stuff. That helps. Jeannettes constant optimism, which even comes through in her emails, is encouraging and its own sort of miracle.

peace.