karma and gratitude ganging up on me

It is strange to be the recipient of charity. It is humbling. I am humbled. Anna, our house keeper who has become our friend, has organized our friends and work mates to bring prepared meals to our home. This is incredibly helpful as Martha has had to take a lot of time home from work to look after Adam. Having a delicious dinner brought to your house makes it all a little bit more bearable. Tonight Sara, a physical therapist Martha works with, fixed us chicken soup, salad, bread and Adam's favorite, chocolate brownies.



Karma and gratitude are ganging up on me. As I said a few weeks ago, I will be spending a lot of time, perhaps the rest of my life, making up for all this good will, love and support.



To Anna, Sarah, our neighbors who have been so supportive, our distant friends and relatives and everyone else please know that we are thinking of and thanking you tonight. God bless you.



Adam is feeling better today. He seems a lot more at piece with his hairless head than I do. His mood is up today. He is asking more questions about his treatment. But still obsessed with legos and teasing his little sister. He is excited about his approaching birthday and the visit he will make to his class with cup cakes in hand.



Any routine I feel is illusionary and I continue to be both exhausted by the daily grind, depressed that we have many months ahead of us and strangely proud of my son's casual bravery.



In all of this I have neglected to give thanks to Martha. It is she who has stayed steady with Adam and even more amazingly, with me. It is my dark moods that she has tolerated, even more than usual, so well. Today I came home inexplicably in a crappy frame of mind. Martha was on the porch, drinking a beer, enjoying the day and waiting for me. She offered me a beer and invited me to join her. I initially blew her off, basically telling her to let me have my bad mood. She followed me with an open beer and invited me again to join her, saying, "It's more fun to drink a beer with somebody else, even when that somebody else is in a bad mood, than to drink a beer alone." Touche'. I love you Martha.