Adam's white blood count as recorded by the computer was still too low but as assessed by human hands was high enough. As disappointed as he was we are very happy to get started with the last inpt chemo. He may even get a bed sooner than has been normal which will be great too. The sooner in the sooner out. Our plans for next week are still on track but we will have to see how he does over the weekend.
Yesterday we held an in-service at work that we had been planning for a while. These in-services are a community service but also serve as a marketing tool to get folks to come see our facility and hear about our services. I am usually too on-edge to pay attention to the topic: making sure we have enough seats, food, air conditioning etc. This time the speaker was talking about a form of therapy that borrows much from the Buddhist tradition. Some Buddhists speak of three minds: emotional mind, rational mind and wise mind. Folks who are seeking treatment are often overly influenced by emotional mind or they find that there is a 'battle' between their emotional mind and their rational mind, with no integration. When there is successful integration then wise mind emerges. This is challenging and I guess analogous to that old fashioned concept of self actualization. Even the healthy among us tend to be in emotional or rational mind and only sometimes in wise mind. Folks with serious mental illness or personality disorders are ruled by their stormy emotions.
The talk really struck me as being right on. For the last 10 weeks I've been walking around with this battle of minds. Rarely have I been able to really integrate the emotional and the rational. And even rarer still have I been able to find or hear my wise mind. The speaker discussed the concept of 'emotional disregulation' and how at base this was the cause of so much of the problems folks seek therapy for. Amen. Emotional Disregulation describes what I have been feeling.
One of the main skills to improve integration of mind is 'mindfulness' exercises. That would include meditation, prayer, focus etc. The things I have been trying. But apparently I am not practicing enough. Another concept was the 'dialectic' between the need to accept yourself as you are, problems and all, and the genuine desire for positive change. Though opposite, these concepts are to be held together. So if I can just accept that I am an emotional basket case at times and that I can work to improve my emotional response to whatever is going on at work or home then I may actually be able to affect some change in myself. Aw right!
Yesterday we held an in-service at work that we had been planning for a while. These in-services are a community service but also serve as a marketing tool to get folks to come see our facility and hear about our services. I am usually too on-edge to pay attention to the topic: making sure we have enough seats, food, air conditioning etc. This time the speaker was talking about a form of therapy that borrows much from the Buddhist tradition. Some Buddhists speak of three minds: emotional mind, rational mind and wise mind. Folks who are seeking treatment are often overly influenced by emotional mind or they find that there is a 'battle' between their emotional mind and their rational mind, with no integration. When there is successful integration then wise mind emerges. This is challenging and I guess analogous to that old fashioned concept of self actualization. Even the healthy among us tend to be in emotional or rational mind and only sometimes in wise mind. Folks with serious mental illness or personality disorders are ruled by their stormy emotions.
The talk really struck me as being right on. For the last 10 weeks I've been walking around with this battle of minds. Rarely have I been able to really integrate the emotional and the rational. And even rarer still have I been able to find or hear my wise mind. The speaker discussed the concept of 'emotional disregulation' and how at base this was the cause of so much of the problems folks seek therapy for. Amen. Emotional Disregulation describes what I have been feeling.
One of the main skills to improve integration of mind is 'mindfulness' exercises. That would include meditation, prayer, focus etc. The things I have been trying. But apparently I am not practicing enough. Another concept was the 'dialectic' between the need to accept yourself as you are, problems and all, and the genuine desire for positive change. Though opposite, these concepts are to be held together. So if I can just accept that I am an emotional basket case at times and that I can work to improve my emotional response to whatever is going on at work or home then I may actually be able to affect some change in myself. Aw right!
The trick is not to reject my own reactive thinking but to take a 'curious' positon within my mind and simply observe my responses. Take note, accept and decide to make a change... or not. We are more than 1/3 through Adam's treatment. Hopefully it will get easier but the future is unwritten. We don't know what radiation therapy will bring; if he will have serious side effects, eye problems etc. I would like to find my wise mind or at least be able to gain some acceptance of my reactivity. In 'When Things Fall Apart' the writer repeatedly talks about the illusion of 'groundedness' and that as soon as one feels grounded that is the time to watch out. There is no ground, no safety net. Groundlessness is reality and we are called to accept that.
In a weird way Adam has a lot more going in this department than I do. He is accepting of himself. He rides with the current. He reacts or doesn't react and is probably not having an internal battle over how he 'should' react. Is finding one's wise mind just another way of learning how to think when we were 11 years old?
1 comment:
Thank you for such a great blog. Your post on "accepting yourself for who you are and then working to improve" gave me a lot to think about. I tend to approach situations in life as moments where I will most likely fail. Today I'll try to live more like Adam.
All the best!!
Your fellow left winger
Tim
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