on we go

So I lost my regular job 2 months ago. Our nation is in a financial melt down. Adam got, and then beat, cancer. My car was totalled. I became a facebook junkie (hey with all that free time on my hands it was a perfect match). I hooked up with my old clinical supervisor on fb today which is pretty cool. But there is no denying that I am an fb geek/loser. Adam is anxious to get the port out (so are we); Vanderbilt called today to schedule the outpt procedure. Camille is generally a very happy little girl but is jealous when Adam has spend the night friends over. Adam has his bud JP over tonight and they are watching Get Smart (the movie). Martha is 'pressuring' for another Walt Disney World trip....I am susceptible to the pressure. Most folks I know are worried about their jobs....if they still have jobs. I am 100% behind Obama but am aware of the dangers of person worship. I bought 3 books today in a used book store, two about zen Buddhism and a bio of St. Augustine (to add the the other books piling up on my night stand). I am in private practice now which is really cool, I just hope I can make a living at it. I have decided to run the 1/2 marathon again. Martha thinks I should run the real marathon. I told her I would if she trained for the 1/2. End of discussion. My practice land lord is a retiring lawyer who loves the idea of his old legal office space transforming into therapy space. He has been through drug and alcohol treatment 3 times (he wouldn't mind if I told you that). He's quite a character but I am very happy a friend of mine pointed me in his direction. I stayed out until after 12am last night and am paying the price today.

If you could get through this screed then I guess you may want to stay tuned.

E

A nice End

Good news all around from Dr. K. The doctor of doom (my own pet name) was down right giddy as he told us that Adam's 3 month imaging tests had come back clear as a bell. What is even better is that Adam can have the hated port o cath removed in February. Date TBA.

Dr. K is not really the doctor of doom but he can be a little testy. But this time both he and Adam were on their A game, so to speak. Adam will continue for the rest of the year going back for 3 month tests. I think next year it will be 6 months, and so on.

So......should I d/c this blog....change the name........what?

implants and acceptance

Tomorrow I will pick up Adam a little after 2pm and go meet Martha at the Vandy Children's Cancer Clinic. We have a meeting with Dr. Kutesch at 245. We hope and assume that we will hear that Adam continues to show no cancer. We also hope to hear when his port o cath will be removed. For Adam and us the removal of his implant will mean the end of treatment. Adam's quarterly imaging tests will go on but treatment is over. It's actually been over for a few months but I know that for Adam having to get the port flushed every month still feels awful. The port being removed will also mean that the professionals, Dr. K et al, really think that Adam is in the clear.

The last few months have been really great. Seeing Adam finish his soccer season, go on scout trips and get on with being a typical 11 year old has been a gift. Adam having cancer and going through treatment has certainly given me a new perspective on his health, Camille's health and our health. Take nothing for granted.

Lately for professional and personal reasons I have been trying to learn mindfulness skills. Being present in the moment. Breathing, meditating, praying, and noticing the here and the now. This has helped me be more present for Camille and Adam and has helped me let aggravation, anger, frustration and the rest of it come and go like a wave; instead of getting caught up in it, sulking and letting it fester. Does that mean Adam's illness was a gift? I don't think he would see it that way. Related to mindfullness is 'radical acceptance'. That is, things are as they are, and there is no other way they can be. Instead of flailing and shaking my fist at reality, I try and notice it, acknowledge it and make a decision about how to deal with it. That's what I try and teach my clients and at last that is what I am trying to teach myself. And Adam is to be credited with that bit of wisdom.

normal sickness

So Adam woke up yesterday morning having had nausea all night. He didn't even come up and get us but he was in no shape of going to school. Immediate flashback of chemo nausea. Then the realization that this was just 'normal' kid getting sick stuff. Which was great really. He probably picked up a bug on the scout trip to Atlanta.

He's back off to school this morning. We have an appointment with Dr. Kuttesch on Monday to review his imaging tests from last week. We assume that all is fine; otherwise I think we would have heard. But you can never be sure so please continue to keep Adam in your prayers.

We should hear at this meeting when Adam can get his port-o-cath taken out. I know for Adam that will be a great day.

can you hear us holy man

As a fierce critic of Bush I feel strangely compassionate for this failed president. I wish him well as he exits.

I am proud that my kids will be the first generation to think a non-white president is no big deal. What a country!

When I was running today I was listening to 'Live Wood' by Paul Weller (great album to work out with btw). His song 'Holy Man' sums up our my hopes and fears.

Barrack is just a man, hopefully a great man, but just a man all the same. I wish we were able to go to the inauguration.

(Can you hear us) Holy Man by Paul Weller

Crystal words that hang so fine - but none will stop us falling

Pulling faster all the time - powerless to warnings

If you feel the hand of God - can you guide it holy man? But you are only flesh and blood - waiting too for judgement

Still saying! daddy dont weep momma dont cry

Everybody gets their time

Dont be sad dont be blue - pray for me

Ill do the same for you

Split the father and the son - hand words to ease them

If you have the hand of God - can you heal us holy man?

But you are only flesh and blood - waiting too for judgement

Still saying!Hang on tight hang on strong

How much longer can this go on

But dont be sad dont be blue - its one more thing set to confuse

Daddy dont weep momma dont cry

Every fear must have its time

Dont be sad dont be blue - pray for meIll do the same for you.

Can you bring the hand of god? Can you stop the killing? Get us back to hope and love - never more be needed -

Still saying!

Bloods gone bad bad to worse

Worse to bad and back again

But dont be sad dont be blue - its one more thing sent to confuse

Momma dont weep daddy dont cry

Every fear must have its time

Dont be sad dont be blue - pray for me Ill do the same for you.

to Atlanta

Adam is off on yet another scouting adventure. This time it's to the big city. He and his troop are going to my home town Atlanta to see the sites: Coke Museum, Aquarium, Stone Mountain, Fernbank Science Center and some other stuff.

Sticking with the scouts has been a great 'investment'. Adam is really enthusiastic about these trips. I have to hand it to Bill Gregory, the Scout leader, for being so dedicated and planning so many fun activities. The St. Edwards Scouts, Troop 210, go on trips of one sort or another about once per month. Usually they are of the hiking and camping variety so I imagine from the boys' perspective it's a nice change to not have to sleep out side tonight. I think they are staying in a church, a heated church.

Two 3 days into mini cooper ownership and I can see that I will have to make my mini a hobby if I cam to keep it in good shape. I have a feeling this neat little car will need much TLC.

Yeah, Baby!

So maybe having my CRV smashed by a drunk driver (no one was hurt) wasn't so bad. We got a MINI out of the deal. It's weird driving a car where practicality wasn't the main consideration. This is a damn fun car!

The novelty may wear off in a few months and I'll sell it and go back to some Japanese reliability. We'll see.

Adam digs it.

Three Month Check Up

Adam went for his first 3 month imaging tests today. We were at Vandy from 12 to 5. Adam's counts are good and we expect that the MRT, CT scan and bone scan will also be good news. As usual Adam was a trooper and with the help of his ipod he coped well with the initial arm stick and even better with the port flush. He was a little perturbed that he had to get two sticks in a day. Who could blame him?

For the flush we had to wait in the Pediatric Cancer clinic. Just like old times. It seems just like any other medical waiting room now. But I remember back in March how foreign and strange and frigging frightening it was.

When Adam got diagnosed we were initially told that he would be in chemo for one year. If that had been true then he would still be in treatment, bald and out of school. Thank God for the protocol! He is well, hairy and just got his report card (mostly good!).

Adam has anothe Scout trip this weekend. This time they are going to Atlanta and will visit the Aquarium, climb Stone Moutain and go to the Coke Museum. Good times.

2009 is looking up.

The new year has begun, the kids (blessedly) are back in school and I am off and running in the world of self employment.
Adam is doing really, really well. He is excited about his drama class at school, he is reading like a wild man (I don't remember reading willingly until I was way into high school) and he seems like he is in a great mood. Winter Scout Camp was a big success. I think Adam digs that sort of thing and it was great to get him out of the house for 5 days (luckily not too cold--thank you global warming!) during the Xmas to New Years blahs.
Adam and I have a 'date' with Vanderbilt this Monday. He has a series of imaging tests he will have to go through. He's not exactly excited about it....but it beats chemo.
Camille was a hit (to us anyway) in her dance school's production of the Nutcracker. She loves ballet and is constantly showing off moves and inventing her own. She is still working on a cart wheel. Ballet class started up again today after the Christmas break and she was so excited when I picked her up from aftercare. Usually she hates that I am picking her up too soon, taking her away from her friends.
My car was totalled by a drunk driver. Which really sucks because I was planning on driving that thing into the ground. Luckily it happened at 430am and no one, not even the driver, was hurt. I am currently 'in negotiations' with geico (the dude's insurance). Hopefully we will get a 'new to us' car very soon. Martha wants to get a 'fun' car but I am afraid my inner utilitarian will win out.
I am working occasionally at the hospital on an 'as needed' basis. This is really cool because it gives me some income while I build my private practice (check out my other blog parenttopics.blogspot.com) . Being a 'hired hand' has its advantages....namely, no stress from the responsibility of being the boss. Best of both worlds.

2009 is looking up.