first day

Officially summer ends on September 21st but let's face it, summer ends on the first day of school. And the first day of school was today. It was an important day at our house. Camille's first day of kindergarten and Adam's first day of real school in 5 months. I remember Adam's first day of kindergarten, he practically ran to his classroom, full of enthusiasm with no since of reluctance or anxiety. Camille was a little more cautious apparently. She held on tightly to mom's hand but eventually relinquished and walked into her first 'big girl' class room. Bright eye'd and ready, mostly.

I drove Adam to school. I always have strange feelings on Adam's first days. I guess it's vicarious, but I get a sense of my own past first days back at school: basically the feeling of fear. Adam was a little anxious this morning, but I think that had to do with being out since March, not getting very good sleep and his eye giving him some trouble. But it wasn't fear. When we got there I helped him carry his saxophone. He grabbed his back pack and we found out that because he was early he had to go wait in the 'before school' care area in the school gym. He walked right in, told me good bye and found two guys he knew to sit with. And that was that. My own fearfulness continued inexplicably. Adam's experience of grade school has flat out been better than mine and that is important to remember. His feelings are his own, as will be his memories, regardless of being sick. Driving on to work I wondered if he would find the same acceptance he received when he got diagnosed last spring. Would he get comments about his only barely there hair? Would he get comments about no brows or lashes? Or just about his, now seemingly obvious, lack of energy. Second guessing myself as to the appropriateness of getting him back into school before the end of treatment I arrived at work, got out of the car, and entered the hospital. It's Monday, time to work.

As it turns out I had nothing to worry about. Adam had a good day. Hooked up with some old friends. He's fine.

He had a chemo visit today. This included a medicine that makes him nauseous and he did vomit while in the clinic. But he's ok now and ready go back to school tomorrow. He will be teaching two of his school mates how to take the bus home after school. He's a pro.