Adam is well

It's hard to believe we are almost done. This Thursday Adam will go in for a days worth of imaging tests. God willing, the tests will show a complete absence of the cancer. Lately when people ask about Adam I have said, "He's done with chemo!" He is done and that is great. Sometimes I am not sure how I feel. I am relieved and I am very happy. Adam is coming out of his chemo funk. His appetite is picking up a little. I even gave him a 'booster' lesson on his bike. He hadn't ridden in a while. He caught on almost immediately. His hair is coming back in. His lashes and brow are growing slowly back. We bought hiking boots yesterday. He's looking forward to a scout trip coming up and a class camping trip right after.

I feel a little depleted. I feel worried. It's not rational. I know the treatment has been successful. My thinking goes something like this: What next? This cancer is pretty rare and Adam got it. What else is in store? I'll get over that I am sure with time.

This past 7 months has forced me to think deeper about myself. At times I have been better for it. Adam's illness and his bravery have made me better....at times. At other times I have been angry, sad and depressed by my lack of 'inspiration'. I have explored, thought about, prayed about this whole thing. But that hasn't kept me from being the same selfish son of a bitch that I know I can be. Way back in the beginning I said how much I appreciate and feel indebted to all the people who have shown Adam and our family support of all kinds. I meant that. I am not sure if I will ever have it in me to make it up. I can try to 'pay it forward'. But I fear my efforts will seem paltry compared to the true generosity we have received.


Adam is well.

Amen.


ps--we've raised $760 for Light the Night against leukemia and lymphoma. Way to go!
http://www.active.com/donate/ltnNashvi/2471_ebrinson1